Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

Sports Update

Posted: June 25, 2012 in Sports
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The Phillies and Mets, two former top teams of baseball’s NL East division, and steady attendance draw with fans, have become so irrelevant that the deal website Goldstar is offering a daily deal for up to 50% off of tickets for the July 3rd game between the two rivals at Citi Field, which even features a post game fireworks display. The deal (below) makes mention of the Phillies star players Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Chooch, and JUAN PIERRE ?!?!?  Dear God, if you let me have a few more of these in my lifetime, I promise to step selling bath salts to the kid next door.

In a related story, local minor league team the Camden River Sharks signed former Phillies third basemen Pedro Feliz. Feliz was a member of the Phillies 2008 championship team and will best be remembered for batting home Eric Bruntlett for the winning run in Game 5 of the World Series against Tampa. We applaud this signing and hope for the best for the man whose name in English translates to “Peter Happy.” There was one other piece of River Shark news that had us scratching our heads. The team had to cancel their game this past Thursday evening because the City’s water supply had run out. WTF? Message to the River Sharks: Your stadium sits in between the Delaware River and the Camden Aquarium. Figure some shit out!


Goldstar

Let The 2012 MLB Season Begin...
Phillies vs. Mets, Plus Post-Game Independence Day Fireworks
Get This Offer
Regular Full Price:
$24.00 – $107.50
Our Price:
$12.00 – $49.00
Tuesday, Jul. 3 @ 7:10pmSee America’s national pastime live at Citi Field the night before Independence Day as the Mets host their divisional rivals, the Philadelphia Phillies, in a game followed by a spectacular fireworks display. Third baseman David Wright has led the Mets’ offense with a great season, and their pitchers have been even more impressive: veteran knuckleballer R.A. Dickey is a top Cy Young Award contender, while Johan Santana pitched the first no-hitter in franchise history. The Phillies have dealt with numerous injuries this year, but they’re always a dangerous opponent, with a pitching rotation led by Cole Hamels and Cliff Lee, and strong hitting from catcher Carlos Ruiz and veteran leadoff man Juan Pierre. Caesars Box tickets include vouchers good for a burger or hot dog, French fries, and fountain soda at the game.
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Phillies fans, this is going to be the most valuable information that you receive all year. Let’s face it, this season is shaping up to be a real stinker. Playoffs?! You kidding me?! Besides screaming “CHOOOOOOOOCH” and stuffing your face with overpriced Philly cuisine, the only other thing to do while at a game at Citizens Bank Park this season is drink beer, and LOTS of it.

We present to you, a Google Spreadsheet containing the name and location of every decent beer sold at CitizensBank Park. Kudos to the folks at the food blog ChocolateCoveredMemories.com for gathering this priceless information.  Dogfish Head 60 minute IPA, Lagunitas IPA, who knew that they could both be had at the Irish Pub in Section 102, which judging from the spreadsheet, seems to offer the greatest selection of suds in the joint. Looking for a nice cold locally brewed Philadelphia Brewing Walt Whit? Head straight to the beer kiosk at Section 132.

Enough talk. Here is the link. The spreadsheet was updated on June 6. Download it. Print it. Put it on your smartphone. Tattoo it on your arm. And forward this email to every beer-drinking Phillies fan that you know.

Thank us later. For now, CHOOOOOOOOOCH!!

Brooklydelphia SPORTS UPDATE

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Sports
Tags:

As if the Phillies anemic offense didn’t have enough to worry about, the Rally Squirrel is back in the news.  Phillies fans first saw the Rally Squirrel in Game 4 of the 2011 NLDS at Busch Stadium in St. Louis. Roy Oswalt was in mid-pitch when the furry fucker darted out and ran across home plate and into the seats. The Cardinals went on to win Games 4 and 5, sending the heavily favored Phils home for the winter. The Cardinals received their World Series rings over the weekend and take a guess which rascally rodent was subtly featured on the ring? Full story here.

And speaking of annoying furry things that have been tormenting the Phillies, San Francisco Giants bearded and boisterous closer Brian Wilson has structural damage in his pitching arm and will likely require surgery and be done for the season.  Thankfully, now he will be the only one that will have to look at the horrible beard.

Rest in peace, Kenny Fucking Powers.  He went out in a blaze of glory on last night’s series finale of HBO’s East Bound and Down. 

YOU’RE FUCKING OUT!

And you should be too. Stop reading silly, irreverent emails and go outside and enjoy the sunshine!

After missing all of the 2011 season due to Tommy John surgery Phillies fan fave Jamie Moyer earned a spot on the starting rotation of the Colorado Rockies on Friday. Moyer, age 49, has a chance to be the oldest pitcher ever to win a game in the big leagues. Moyer led the 2008 World Fucking Champions Phillies team in wins with 16. The soft tossing Moyer will start the Rockies second game of the season on April 7. Moyer always brought a solid work ethic to the team and is very active in giving back to the community, so this writer will be rooting for the old phart to keep piling on the wins… And a huge Viagra endorsement deal.

The Am-Asian Lin-derella story that was Lin-sanity will be put on hold for the next 6 weeks and possibly until next season, leaving some feeling Lin-completeJeremy Lin is having left knee surgery to repair a tear in his meniscus and will miss six weeks, likely ending his amazing breakthrough season. The Knicks, currently the 8th seeded team for the playoffs, would have to make a deep run in order for Lin to make a curtain call this year.  Don’t count on it, this years Knicks have too many chinks in their armour.

The last six times that Kentucky has won the NCAA men’s basketball championship, the Yankess have won the World Series. So if Kentucky wins tonight, expect yet another parade in the Canyon of Heroes this November.